Fire and brimstone

Well, folks it looks like I may be headed for the hot place downunder.
Being Good Friday yesterday, this once good little Catholic girl went to church for Mass. (It helps when it's 3pm and not the crack of dawn). Anyway, I think I am now a heathen by most "Catholic" peoples' standards. Shocking. Of course, I was prepared for the absolutely crap singing. But being a day of fasting and abstinance, meant that our tone deaf, off key, elderly choir decided to go without music. I had a hard time not laughing every time they opened their mouths. I also kept thinking about what the look on Coryn Knapper's face would be if she heard them! (She's the Musical Director for most Riverlea shows, for those of you who don't know, and a somewhat fierce little lady).
Then, for some reason we had this prayer which had us kneeling and then standing, kneeling then standing, kneeling then standing, about 20 times. It was like a friggin aerobics class! Why couldn't we just kneel for the whole thing! I mean, if I was struggling how was everyone else doing?! (Keeping in mind that out of the pitiful amount of worshippers attending, with the exeption of toddlers, I was pretty much the youngest there!)
The highlight though - and this is a beauty - was when they brought the cross out for veneration.
For starters it was way too big for the 2 altar servers to manage and I was sure they were going to take someone out on their way down the aisle!
But...hang on....where's Jesus? IT WAS AN EMPTY CROSS!!!!!!!!
At this point I could no longer keep quiet and so whispered to Mum "Haven't they forgotten someone?" At which point we both started giggling. Maybe we can get a double room in Hell.
Mum asked me if I were still going up to venerate and I said, "Well there's not much point kissing someone's old fence post so I'll just genueflect or something."
It was bizarre. In all my 21 years of going to Good Friday Mass, the focal point has also been going up and kissing the feet of Jesus on the cross. So who lost Jesus this year?!
Someone needs to be fired. In fact, someone needs to be appointed stage manager. Every time I go, the order of ceremony gets worse and worse. No one knows what the giddy they're doing!
Oh yes, the cherry on the top though, was when one of the altar servers stepped....OVER the cross instead of walking around it!!!!! I knew he was going to and I watched him as he picked up his candle, saw the cross in front of him, paused, slight panic...and then STEP! Thank goodness Mass was over because that's when I lost it.
Went back to Mum's and we had a good old laugh. So, it looks like I may be headed to Hell from an holy-than-thou-Catholic-I-only-go-to-church-to-show-people-how-perfect-I-am person's view. But I'm pretty sure Jesus will be on my side, since I would be pretty miffed if someone forgot me!
I think Mum finally gets why I don't go to Church anymore. People have ruined it. They don't want to be there and sometimes it seems like the priests don't even want to be there!
Shocking.

Anyway, I wish you all a very Happy Easter and hope you all get heaps of chocolate from the Easter Bunny.
God Bless :)

Oh yeah, and I don't have laryngitus! Whoop whoop!