Tradition!

"Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match,
find me a find,
catch me a catch,
night after night in the dark I'm alone,
so find me a match of my own."

How excited am I?! - No, hold your Mazeltovs, Yente hasn't found me a man yet - Topol is coming to NZ to perform in Fiddler on the Roof! Oi vey! I get to compare my Tzeitel to a professional Tzeitel, hehe!

Have started the hint dropping about getting tickets for my birthday, which coincedently is a mere 3 days after the show closes. So I have my fingers crossed that Mum will take heed of the blatent hints, after all she's the one who first saw the ad and told me about it! I swear, if I don't get to see it I'll go positively meshugar.

Yay! Now I just need a husband!

You will be a cool parent

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

How incredibly rude!!!!

Where the hell was the tribute to Yvonne de Carlo in the Oscars tribute to the legends who have recently passed?!

She was an incredible actress, singer and dancer and one of my favourites. She passed away on the 8th of January this year aged 84.

You would probably know her best as Lily Munster, but she made over 40 films during her career, including The Ten Commandments - which got Best Picture!!!!

Am so annoyed she wasn't part of the tribute!!!!! GRRRRR!!!! Stupid Academy!

I'd like to thank the Academy.....

So, I should be tucked up in bed, fast asleep, dreaming about Prince Charming, but I'm watching the Oscars; and although I think I say this every year, I think this is the best I've seen! Those dancers are friggin' amazing and what about that trippy sound effects choir?! Love it!

My favourite dress award (so far) goes to Rachel Weisz - who always looks gorgeous anyway - in a dress the same colour as my pretty new car; and Abigail Breslin, coz she looks so cute! How great would it be to be at the Oscars, nominated even, at age 10!

Oh, and of course Helen Mirren. I hope I'm that hot when I'm 61.

And a double Audrey AND Cary sighting! Yay! The Email Warbrides gave me the heads up about Cary making an appearance, coz we're crazy like that and tend to get a lil excited!

Oh drool, George Clooney just came on in a tux. Yummy.

Right, so Jerry Seinfeld has just put himself on the blacklist of every C.A in the world! Boo!!!!!

Introducing....Gloria, the Storia!!!!!

I have a new baby! Have finally had enough of Claire breaking down all the time and costing a small fortune every time she gets a WOF, and can finally afford to HP myself a pretty new car that actually runs! So here she is, my Gloria. A 1998 Daihatsu Storia (Storia, Gloria, get it?):

A friend of mine who knows cars gave her the all clear yesterday, so I filled in the online finance check form, got a call this morning saying all was hunky dory, went in, took her for a spin and signed the papers! Yay! The only let down is, I have to wait until Monday to pick her up :(

I'nt she purrdy!

How to speak about men and be politically correct

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - he has developed a LIQUID STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST - he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION
5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - he is GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. 7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - he develops RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - he has SWINE EMPATHY
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - he is MANOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

Well the diet lasted longer than I thought it would!

The gym and not eating crap has pretty much dwindled down to nonexistance and now have turned to goody gumdrops ice cream and gummy bears to deal with unrequited...... like.
Am on the prowl for a "puppydog like" toyboy (apparently that's the way to go)! But one that knows that pants don't sit below one's derriere!

The Mummy Test

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mummy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly. "All mums know this stuff. It's on the Mummy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mummy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.

Just call me Pinky. Narf!

You Are Not Destined to Rule the World

You are destined for something else... Like inventing a new type of cupcake.You just don't have the stomach for brutality.But watch out - because many people do!

Are You Destined For World Domination?

A couple of movie reviews

Realised I usually write a bit about films I see, so here goes!

For Your Consideration - I had a private screening of this, get along and see it people! The cinema should not be empty, it is a great lil film! Although, maybe it's only us crazy thespian types who truly appreciate it? Anyway, any film that starts off with a character watching the wonderful Jezabel with Bette Davis already earns a few gold stars from me!
Very, very funny too and Catherine O'Hara is just great, have always liked her.

Truest quote: "Inside every actor lives a pig, a tiger, an ass and a nightengale. You never know which is going to show up."

Funniest quote: Tied between the joke about blind prostitutes and "I'm a gentile, look at my foreskin!"





Then because I was bored and didn't feel like going home to sit all by my lonesome, I went and saw Music and Lyrics with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I don't mind Drew, I think she's quite sweet and a lot more real than most of the other celebs out there. Hugh Grant on the other hand, I've always thought comes across as a smarmy git!

Anyway, while the middleaged women behind me were practically in hysterics over the smallest things, I only managed a few chuckles here and there. By no means is this great cinema, and I don't buy Drew and Hugh (hehe that rhymes!) as a couple, but it's an ok chick flick, and it did what I wanted it to - passed some time. Stunning red dress though. Me want!



Am looking forward to seeing Notes on a Scandal, which opens tomorrow. I love Judi Dench, and as much as I adore her films where she plays dotty old ladies, it should be a nice change to see her in a juicier role.

Babies, Shakespeare, cats with lotsa toes and babies!

So, you have one last chance to get along to see my most favouritist play ever - A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Gardens this Sunday at 4am. Very, very good, with the best Pyrimus and Thisby scene I have EVER seen - and being my favourite, I have seen a few!

I wasn't a complete loner, I met up with my friend Emma, and friends by extension Amanda and Peter with their scrumptious 3 month old daughter Sarah. "Aunty Janine" went in for a cuddle (being the clucky hen she is) and got a huge grin, a mischievous giggle and then baby spew! Lol, everything babies do is cute, even throwing up! I'm already booked to do Sarah's first fairy party, but first mum Amanda wants one for her 32nd - 3+2=5 you see.

In other baby news, I found this incredible article about a baby born in Florida, who is only 9.5" and weighs under 10 ounces!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/3969418a4560.html

Then there's the article about a cute kitty with 26 toes!!!!!!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/3969646a10.html

In the interest of cheering myself up

Things Musicals Teach Us:

1. When you are dying, it is essential to sing a long and difficult song that requires incredibly capacious lungs even if you are suffering from consumption or heart disease.
2. Sometimes, when you're in love, your neighbours/local prostitutes/villagers may intrude upon you and your beloved with a noisy song and dance in 4 part harmony
3. Villagers whisper and point a lot, but are not really saying anything of interest
4. Women out number men forty five to one.
5. Eighteen year old virgins are really thirty eight year old mothers of five
6. All Americans speak with strong Oklahoma accents, even if they are from New York.
7. In France during Victor Hugos time, the French spoke English in cockney accents
8. When travelling abroad, beware !! The black hills of Dakota greatly resemble the Alps or the Scottish highlands - it can be quite confusing
9. Beware! if you were involved in the Parisian Barricades during Victor Hugos time, the Barricade revolves rather inconveniently, thus defeating the purpose
10. Women in Jail prefer to dress in leather and fishnet bondage gear
11. Dying of AIDS can inspire you to sing and dance like a lunatic
12. It is possible to be dead and have your knees bent, and walk when the light go out...
13. Dead people are capable of song and dance, but do so usually dressed in white with grey makeup
14. There will be a break for tea and coffee and approx 9 pm
15. The bells or fire engine you hear in the background have nothing to do with you : they are an echo of another realm
16. Sometimes you may forget what you were going to say, or repeat what you just said....sometimes another person will say it for you
17. Daylight and moonlight can be switched on and off, sometimes they flicker...but remember, they will always make you sweat
18. When you walk into market, into a ballroom or into Covent Garden, you should always be accompanied by at least one other person and should be engaged in a conversation about rhubarb
19. Swords are made of MDF
20. The wall is not a wall : it is a pallet from Tesco
21. Doors open backwards from time to time and are held closed by a man with a beard
22. There is a place called back stage where a guy called Packie/Paddy/Pat sits talking...don't be alarmed
23. The Difference between old men and young men is that the old ones pencil in crowsfeet and brow lines
24. When you are happy....sing
25. When you are sad.....sing
26. When in love....sing
27. When you hate someone.....sing
28. When you are angry....sing loud
29. When you think the man you've just met is really nice, but he's not...sing....marry him....sing some more..when he is dying at your feet, and has treated you like crap for your whole married life....cradle him your arms and sing some more...sometimes in 2 part harmony with him !!

Friday Five

1. How often do you typically shower/bath?
Every day, sometimes twice, especially in summer.

2. Do you prefer showering or taking a bath?
Bubble baths definately! But alas I only have a shower at my place :(

3. What's the longest you've ever gone w/o a shower/bath?
Hmm...no more than a day.

4. What's your favorite personal hygiene product?
Dove deodorant.

5. Do you shave your legs? If so how often?
Usually when I look like a sasqwatch or if I think I may meet a P.H!


Weather: dark and gloomy like my mood.
Wearing: a frown.
Listening to: My new theme song by Kasey Chambers.
Shoes: 117.

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Anyone keen to see it tomorrow night? 7:30pm at the gardens. I don't really fancy going alone, so if you want to keep a lonely little fairy company send me a txt.

Am I Not Pretty Enough - Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

Late night funnies

Ok, so I have my General Manager's certificate to do tomorrow. At 8:30am!!!!!!! (Why at such an ungodly hour? I try to avoid getting up before 11!) And I can't sleep, so am sitting here eating some yummy fat free ice cream and reading some jokes.
Here are some of the ones I found amusing, for your reading pleasure:

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, snapped-off a fire hydrant and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the HELL out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

39 things you should have learnt by now... 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat. 26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". 28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 29. You should not confuse your career with your life. 30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 31. Never lick a steak knife. 32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back. 34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 38. Your friends love you anyway. 39 . Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


The BEST fruitcake receipe
Ingredients: 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups dried fruit 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice walnuts 1 litre of brandy
Sample the brandy to check for quality Take a large bowl. Check the bandy again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level up and rink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the brandy is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off ixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.”If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with A drewscriver. Sample the brandy to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the brandy Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the brandy again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway!


After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary. Mary." "Is that you, Fred?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. Ihave lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again." "Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven." "Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Central Otago."


Husband and wife are lying in bed asleep when they hear a loud knock at the door. Wife looks at the clock its 3am she wakes the husband to go to the door. P'd off he runs downstairs,theres a guy standing at the door and he goes "hey bro gizz a push?" The husband says get lost mate its 3am and then he goes back up to bed. He tells the wife it was some idiot who wanted a push but i told him to get lost. The wife makes him feel so mean that he runs back downstairs and opens the door, calls out to the guy and says hey mate sorry i was rude, do you still need a push? The guy says awe yes please bro, so the husband says well where are you, the guy goes, out here on the swing!!!


One fine day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!”


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."


The plane's cabin was being served by a gay flight attendant who was obviously enjoying himself. He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people. So, if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."


Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they got over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girls' nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst my wife came home with no panties!!""That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her bum that said ... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'"

I need a hero(ine)!!!!!!!!!!

Argh! Season Seven of Gilmore Girls starts today and I'm working!!!!!!! Does anyone out there in blogland have a dvd recorder? Pweety pweety pwease!

Sleepover pics

Dinner at Al Dente - Rach, Jen, Erin and moi.

Me and Mariam.

Jen and Rach.

Back at my place - Rach with Algernon, Erin with Puzzle, me with Marmalade, Mariam with her Arabic named pup and Jen with Mr Norman.

As you can see I am one of those blessed women who wakes up in the morning looking utterly stunning!

Must....have.....coffee......

Mariam and Rach with Maurice.

Oh.....Kay........

So, this has got to be one of the strangest Engrish pics I've ever seen:

The Friday Five

1. If you could live in any city in the world, where would you live and why?

Probably London for the history and theatre.

2. If you could speak any language fluently, what would it be?

Italian, am slowly trying to teach myself.

3. When was the last time you rode a ferry and where did you go?

Um...I'll take it to mean the last boat trip which was probably the Pacific cruise in 2001.

4. What was the longest plane ride you've ever taken?

To Sri Lanka, about 19 hours!!!!

5. If you discovered a country, what would you call it?

All I can think of is Genovia, like in The Princess Diaries, so I could be Queen, like Julie Andrews!

Yes, I know I haven't being blogging the diet lately, but have been depressed with a touch of anxiety and haven't wanted to be around large groups of people, so holed up at home with season six of GG and bags of gummy bears and marshmellows - which are fat free.

Anyway, went to the doctor's the other day (talk about an anxiety attack!) - which cost a small fortune - and am on something which may help something else which may be the cause of my nuttiness. I hope.

Crappy, crappy day.

Everyone knows I'm a hopeless romantic, right? Wrong! Well, not anymore anyway. I've had enough. Romance doesn't exist outside of movies or music. It's a myth. Valentine's Day can bite my arse.

First, I wake up and draw the curtains only to find the evil whitetail spider staring back at me. It wasn't dead after all. A quarter can of flyspray later though....at least now I have a corpse. Can someone please come and remove it for me?

Then at work, I manage to drop my contact lens down the friggin' sink. Great. Bus home, put new one in, bus back, pick up car.

And the closest thing I got to actually experiencing a V Day (D Day seems a little more appropriate methinks) is my Mum bringing me a heart shaped balloon and McDonalds. Now, I love balloons, especially shaped ones, but the notion of my being on a diet and not eating crap hasn't quite registered yet. Hope you enjoyed your McD's Sean!

Just once in my life, before I die, I would like to experience a lovely romantic Valentine's Day. Just one. Too much to ask? Apparently so.

Am off to hibernate with season six of the Gilmore Girls, which oh yes, is full of talk about friggin' weddings!

I look forward to tap class tonight where I'll probably break an ankle or something.

Stupid, ignorant, moronic imbesiles!

People who don't want to watch subtitled films! I actually had a man come all the way from Skycity from seeing Babel to ask me why films had subtitles, because apparently it is the dumbest idea ever and does anyone actually go and watch these stupid films? "Yes, a lot of people actually, who like myself sir, actually prefer subtitled foreign films to the mindless drivel that Hollywood churns out these days." I think he got my point. Can ya tell I had had several idiot customers already?! Dumb people are missing out on some of the best films around.

Have been a slackarse in going to the gym and writing up my dieting details here. But I haven't been eating too much crap, and April .I. thinks I've lost weight, so yay!

WEIGHT:
90kgs (arse!)

MEASUREMENTS:
42-38-44

ATE:
1 cup of coffee;
1 6" roast chicken sub;
1 white choc chip cookie from Subway;
1 tin of (gross) sliced mango;
4 pieces f chicken sushi;
1 glass of Keri OJ.

WENT TO THE GYM:
Too hot and lazy today.

Good grief!

Mum can't find it! I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight! I HATE SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the only thing worse than knowing there's a spider, is knowing there's a spider and not knowing where it is!

:(

Am I awful for ringing Mum at 10:30pm to come and dispose of the beastie? I won't be able to sleep untilI know it's dead. I'm still friggin' shaking!

What next?

OK, so what is the last thing a severe arachniphobic needs when she is having an already crappy night? THIS appearing on the couch beside her a la Miss Muffet. I've never screamed or sworn so loudly or moved so fast in my life. I am now suffering from flyspray asphxiation and the horrible creature is still crawling all over my couch!

Why did God have to make spiders?!

Work vs Prison

Just in case you ever get the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer.... a bit of humour...

In Prison - you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell
At work - you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 6 cubicle !!!

In Prison - You get three meals a day provided
At work - you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it !!!

In Prison - you get time off for good behaviour
At work - you get given even more work for good behaviour !!!

In Prison - the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
At work - you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself !!!

In Prison - you can watch TV and play games
At work - You get fired for watching TV and playing games !!!

In Prison - you get your own toilet
At work - you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat !!!

In Prison - they allow your family and friends to visit
At work - you can't even speak to your family on the telephone !!!

In Prison - all expenses are paid by the taxpayers, with no work involved
At work - you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners !!!

In Prison - you spend most of your life inside behind bars wanting to get out
At work - you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside behind bars

In Prison - you must deal with sadistic wardens
At work - they are called Managers

SO WHY IS IT, AGAIN, THAT WE WORK ?

Ruby slippers and wedding shoes

What does a girl do when she's feeling blue and has just been paid? She goes shopping of course!

Scenario:
(Girl - Janine, well known to large shoe chain store with 4 shoeboxes in her arms approaches counter with huge line. Girl's former manager - Ann, sees girl and opens up another register just for girl. Mwahahaha!)

ANN: Ooh! As soon as these came in I thought of you.
JANINE: I know! They're my wedding shoes.
ANN: Oh my God! You're getting married?!
JANINE: Eventually.
ANN: (hysterical laughter) I like your style!

True story. I even got a staff discount! And here they are, my wedding shoes.


The rest of my plans are top secret though, so don't even bother to ask! ;)

Of course, it's very rare that I only walk out of No1 Shoes with only one pair, so here is the 2nd pair out of the four I got today (Sorry, Niky, now you have to beat 116!)

I have always wanted some ruby slippers so I could dress up as Dorothy one day, and so here they are:

Someone have a costume party. Please!!!!

WEIGHT:

89kgs :(

MEASUREMENTS:

42-37-44

ATE:

1 cup of coffee;

1 glass of Keri OJ;

2 glasses of lemonade;

1 spider with fat free ice cream and lemonade;

some cocktail sausages with sauce;

half a bag of corn chips.

WENT TO THE GYM:
No.

Weather: humid

Wearing: blue skirt with blue "Eat. Sleep. Shop." T-shirt

Listening to: Marilyn Monroe

Shoes: 116

Or not. Sigh.

ABBA

After 8 years, their music is still the best pick-me-up when I'm feeling like crap.

The Friday Five

1. If you were a crayon, which color would you want to be?
Lilac.

2. Which color do you think you would be regardless of what you wanted?
I SAID lilac!!!!!

3. Would you rather be used and get blunt, broken and lose your wrapper, or not be used and stay pristine?
Not be used and stay pristine, I don't fancy being used, blunt, broken or naked!

4. Would you rather be in a small set of crayons or a large set?
Small set. I don't do well in crowds.

5. Would you rather be Crayola, or a different brand?
Another (more expensive) brand!


And in other news:
I found my wedding shoes today!!!! Would you believe the only thing left to sort is who will be the lucky sod standing next to me? I know, I know. Just call me Muriel.


WEIGHT:
87kgs

MEASUREMENTS:
42-37-44

ATE:
1 cup of coffee;
2 glasses of Coke;
6 pieces of chicken sushi;
handful of corn chips;
3/4 bag of plain M'n'Ms;
some cocktail sausages with tomato sauce.

WENT TO GYM:
No.

February 14th

My friend and mentor, Catherine's birthday. That is all..... At least until I have a nice member of the male species to spend my time with. So, although everyone knows me as a hopeless, soppy romantic, please fight the urge to send Valentine's themed email forwards onto me. They're a bit depressing :(
I do like other random, funny forwards though!

"It's too darn hot..."

Today is the kind of day when the only thing one feels like doing is sitting around in one's scanties, with the fan on full blast, windows and doors wide open, reading a novel set during WWII in Russia. In winter. Tried sunbathing for awhile but it was too hot, and there are too many creepy crawlies on my lawn. Anyway, I don't like being tanned. On other people, yes; on me, no. I prefer the pale Victorian look.


Am glad my house didn't resemble a bombsite after last night, coz there's no way I would have been up to cleaning!

Was a fun night though. A lot more dignified than the last slumber party I attended many moons ago! A nice dinner at Al Dente (after we succeeded in torturing our poor waiter; "Another five minutes ladies?"), then home to chocolate fish, marshmellows, chippies and Love Actually. This has to be my favourite modern film ever. Sigh.





Bed at the respectable hour of about 2am - would you believe that four fully grown women were able to all fit in my lounge!? And no one got kicked in the head! Amazing! Woke up to a game of cards at about 9:30ish; malteasers and milo for brekkie. Good times.

So, our little Rach is off to Dunedin tomorrow morning at the ungodly hour of 6am. Sigh. That's such a grown up thing to do. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet! I mean, I still sleep cuddled up with a stuffed toy! (Albeit in lieu of a man, but still!) I guess I'm a bit of a Peter Pan as well as Tinkerbell!


WEIGHT:
87kgs

MEASUREMENTS:
42-37-44

ATE:
No comment.

WENT TO THE GYM:
Too hot! Maybe later.

There's a kind of hush, all over the world....

Coz school went back today!!! Woohoo! A huge sigh of relief from all of us who work in town, and from a couple of old ladies who have been waiting until school went back to venture into town to see The Queen! Bloody teenagers!
Right off for a nana nap before the slumber party madness! I'm not as young as I used to be! Am still looking forward to it though; it's been years since I've been to a sleep over, and I've never, ever hosted one before! I may have gone over board with the lollies though.......

WEIGHT:
87kgs

MEASUREMENTS:
42-37-44

ATE:
Let's not go there today!

WENT TO THE GYM:
No.

The usual bored and can't sleep survey

FULL NAME:
Miss Janine Amelia Betts (BA).

LIVING ARRANGEMENT:
A lonely spinster in her one bedroom granny flat.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS?
I wonder where the word "ouija" came from.

YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW(S):
Gilmore Girls, I Love Lucy, The Munsters, Happy Days, Sex in the City, Green Acres, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched etc

WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My mouse. D'uh!

FAVORITE BOARD GAME(S):
Haven't played a board game since I was about 9. My fav then was Guess Who.

FAVORITE MAGAZINE(S):
I'm a Cosmo / Cleo girl.

FAVORITE SMELLS:
Coffee, roses, Elizabeth Arden Red Door.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:
Betrayal / grief.

BEST FEELING(S) IN THE WORLD:
Being in love.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK:
I couldn't possibly choose just one.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
Bugger.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?
Nope.

ROLLER COASTERS — SCARY OR EXCITING?
Scary. You'll never catch me on one.

PEN OR PENCIL?
Pen.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
As many as it takes for me to get to the phone! Which, if I have to hunt around in my handbag usually means it'll go to voicemail before I can find the darn thing!

FUTURE SON’S NAME:
Am counting on having a girl!

FUTURE DAUGHTER’S NAME:
Isabelle Scarlett Rose (????????)

FAVORITE FOODS:
Chocolate, ice cream, Italian.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?
Love my mum to bits. The least said about my father, the better.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Ice cream? Then vanilla.

FAVORITE ICE CREAM:
Caramel Fudge, Goody Gumdrops, Caramel Rocky Road, After Dinner Mint.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?
Croutons.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?
Yup. My favourite thing to do on a weekend is to get in the car with someone fun and see where we end up.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?
Yes. Algernon the dog and Marmalade the Bear.

STORMS — COOL OR SCARY?
Tres cool.

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Still have her. Her name is Claire, she's a Mazda Familia Clair and a right lemon!

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?
CARY GRANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:
Archers.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Gemini.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POET?
Shakespeare. Which reminds me, who's up for the dawn performance this year?

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Yes.

GIRLS — WOULD YOU EVER ASK A GUY FOR HIS SHIRT?
I have done in the past. Is that really sad?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Actress on the West End.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Am planning to go red again sometime soon.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yes.

WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Masks, posters from shows I've done and pictures from GWTW and old film stars I admire.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
Half full.

FAVORITE MOVIE(S):
I think you'll know this one by now if you're a regular reader!

ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS?
Righty.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?
Yes, pretty much. Except when I have to press SHIFT to make a capital letter!

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Yuk. There are bugs in the garden.

WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?
My luggage.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
23.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?
A VW Beetle. One of the trashy new ones that is purple with white daisies.

FAVORITE SPORT(S) TO WATCH:
Sport? Yeah right!

ALIASES:
Fairy Janine, Cary Grant's wife.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I don't want to be a grown up.

WHAT MUSIC ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Marilyn Monroe.

WHAT ARE THE BEST MOVIES YOU’VE SEEN THIS YEAR?
Happy Feet!

This is definately working

Writing down everything I eat on my blog that is. I have actually been eating a lot less lately which is great! Big thanks to Niky for the inspiration for that one!

WEIGHT:
87kgs (woohoo!)

MEASUREMENTS:
42-38.5-44

ATE:
1 cup of coffee;
1 yoghurt;
4 hot cross buns;
1 glass Keri OJ;
3 chocolates. My mother is intent on destroying me;
1 cup of noodles;
1 tin sliced peaches in lite syrup.

WENT TO THE GYM:
Yes. A bit half arsed but at least I went! Also housework danced to Blondie!

I'm 11 again!!!!

Ok, so one of my besties is off to big-scary-grown-up-medical-school in Dunedin on Friday, so we are giving her a send off tomorrow night......a slumber party at my house! Fun fun FUN!
So ladies....and gentlemen if you wish to contribute ideas other than pillow fights in our underwear......have you got any fun ideas of crazy things we could do?
I've already suggested going out for coffee in our pjs first.....hmm...do I even have any pjs?! And bringing along a teddy bear or stuffed animal of some description; trashy high school dvds and maybe truth or dare if I can convince everyone!
Also, junk food. I'd better be very good today if I'm going to be surrounded by crap tomorrow!

Yipeee!!!

The Rialto scales confirmed it. I weigh 89kgs! Still a fair bit, but considering I first thought I was 100kgs, that's flippin' marvelous!

WEIGHT:
89kgs

MEASUREMENTS:
42-39-44

ATE:
1 cup coffee;
2 K-Time twists;
1 Robert Harris Mocha with 2 marshmellows;
1 cup of noodles;
last 1/10s of the peanut M'n'Ms;
1 glass Keri OJ;
1 6" roast chicken sub from Subway.

WENT TO THE GYM:
No.

Do I love or hate these scales?!

So today I weighed in at 89kgs!!!! These cheapy Warehouse scales certainly make me feel good, but methinks I should have forked out some extra dosh for some scales that actually work! Now I have no idea what I weigh!

Had a relapse day today. Planned to go to the gym, but went to the movies instead and then stopped at McDonald's for a deli roll combo. It was disgusting. Lesson learnt. Then I had a craving for peanut M'n'Ms. Lesson not quite learnt. (Munch, munch). But I barely ate anything else all day, so I figure it's not so bad!

So, "Hollywoodland". Could have been much better. Was rather slow and devoid of likeable characters; although Ben Affleck had the sexy 1940s film star look going, which I'm sure we all know by now, I'm a sucker for; and if I look like Diane Lane when I'm 40, I'll be one very happy woman!

"Stranger Than Fiction"....was ok....maybe I just wasn't really in a movie watching mood today, but I only thought it was ok, nothing spectacular.

I did however watch "Connie and Carla" on TV tonight, and I have decided that I want to do a "Victor/Victoria" too and become a drag queen! - especially if I get to do a number with Debbie Reynolds! I love Cabaret. If I had some money I would so open up my own cabaret club. It's all about the glitz and glam darlinks! "Chins up, boobs out, it's showtime!"

WEIGHT:

89kgs....who really knows?!

MEASUREMENTS:

42-39-44

ATE:

1 cup of coffee;

2 blueberry Muffin Break bars;

Medium Classic Chicken deli roll combo;

9/10s large bag peanut M'n'Ms.

WENT TO THE GYM:

No.

2:30am and yup, I'm still awake.

Grrr! My body clock is really messed up. I think I'll go curl up in bed and start the annual Gone with the Wind reading!

Weather: Dark and something just went crash outside - scary!
Wearing: Purple ensemble
Listening to: Edith Piaf
Shoes: 112

2am and I still can't sleep.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

1:30am and I can't sleep

A is for age: 21. Officially a grown up, not that I always feel like one!
B is for booze of choice: Archers.
C is for career: Actress, professional fairy, duty manager.
D is for your dress code: Usually overdressed, very feminine. No pants. Ever!
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Nibbles.
F is for favourite song du jour: Diamonds are a girl's best friend - have been listenign to Marilyn lately.
G is for favorite game: The game of love ;)
H is for hometown: The Tron.
I is for instruments you play: Played recorder, guitar and piano (for 2 days) when I was little. Nothing now, though I intend to learn piano one day.
J is for jam or jelly you like: Raspberry.
K is for kids: Yes please! Can't wait to be a mum.
L is for living arrangements: Alone in my gorgeous lil one bedrrom granny flat.
M is for music genre: 1920s-1980s.
N is for name of your crush: He knows who he is! ;)
O is for overnight hospital stays: Just when I was born.
P is for phobias: Spiders!!!!!
Q is for quotes: "All the world's a stage"
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: The last one. 1.25 years.
S is for sexual preference: Twice a day! :p
T is for time you wake up: Late!
U is for underwear: Pretty and lacy.
V is for vegetable you love: Potatoes.
W is for weekend plans: Usually involves, sleep, movies and shopping.
X is for x-rays you've had: 2 - my teeth and chest.
Y is for yummy food you make: Stained glass biscuits. I don't cook.
Z is for zodiac sign: Gemini.

Two amazing things happened tonight:

1st, a young man (in his 20s) held open a door for me. I can't remember the last time that happened. He even had to wait a few seconds while I made my approach to said door. However, I don't think he was a kiwi lad, so that explains it!

2nd, I discovered I'm a genius! http://intelligence-test.net/part1/
It took me about an hour to get 29 of these right. The last four (8, 28, 31 & 33) I gave up on and googled, and it turned out there was no way I would have been able to guess them anyway. So, I was pretty impressed with myself! Have a go, it's fun!

Killing time before work

Name four jobs you've had in your life:
* SHGC Arts' Co-ordinator
* Asparagus Packer (never again)!
* Sales Assistant at No1 Shoes
* C.A / D.M Rialto Cinemas

Four movies you would watch over and over:
* An Affair to Remember
* Charade
* Bringing Up Baby
* Gone With the Wind

Four places you have lived:
* Pine Ave
* Insoll Ave
* Hamilton
* Waikato (???)

Four TV shows you love to watch:
* Gilmore Girls
* I Love Lucy
* The Munsters
* The Amazing Race

Four places you've been on vacation:
* Hawaii
* Sri Lanka
* Australia
* Cruise around the Pacific (Am wanting to relive that this year. Anyone keen)?

Four websites I visit daily:
* Blogspot
* Email
* TradeMe
* Email Warbrides (to talk to other CG fanatics)

Four of my favourite books:
* Gone With the Wind (takes me a solid week of nonstop reading, but I do it every year)!
* The Bronze Horseman
* Anne of Green Gables
* The Notebook

Four of my favourite foods:
* Chocolate ( p/nut M'n'Ms, Black Forest, Malteasers, Pineapple Lumps, KitKats - p/nut butter, cookie dough, honeycomb)
* Ice cream (Caramel Fudge, Caramel Rocky Road, Goody Gumdrops, After Dinner Mint)
* Chicken, feta, spinach & pinenut quiche from Muffin Break
* Choc/cherry cookies from Ma Higgins

The diet's working!!!!!

Well, not really. But I have lost 5kgs overnight! How? I hear you ask? Well, I took a better look at my $7 Warehouse scales and found that the pointer thingee sits on 5kgs, not 0kgs, so that means I'm only 95, not 100! Yay!

WEIGHT:
95kgs

MEASUREMENTS:
42-39-44

ATE:
2 cups of coffee;
4 K-Time Twists;
1 cup of noodles;
1 small bag peanut M'n'Ms;
1 piece of Sally Lunn.

WENT TO THE GYM:
No.

My Diet

Ok, so I wasn't going to bother with the weighing and measuring thing every day, but maybe it might be that extra bit of motivation, so here goes! Will add a food diary too to make me feel guilty if I eat crap!
The aim is to get down to 80kgs and hopefully measure 36-25-34 (ie Marilyn Monroe)!

WEIGHT:
100kgs (I thought I was only 90)! :(

MEASUREMENTS:
42-39-44

ATE:
1 cup of coffee (lite milk, 2 sugars);
1 glass of Keri OJ;
3x K-Time Twists;
2 cups of instant noodles;
1 tin of sliced peaches in lite syrup;
McCain's Woodfire style Italian pizza.

WENT TO THE GYM: Yes.

Cripes. I have a loooooooooooong way to go!

The Friday Five

1. How far back can you trace your family tree?
My great, great, great, great, great, grandfather, Titus (what a cool name!) Foote and his wife Suzannah who were in a workhouse in Dorset, England.

2. What is the most interesting (or strange) thing you've heard about one of your relatives?
Pass. We're all pretty strange! Mum and I call the Betts side the Mafia....long story!

3. How do you feel about legacy names like John Henry Smith IV or naming children after other relatives?
Awesome if the original person was quite interesting/amazing/wonderful, or if you're Royal.

4. Would you consider yourself and/or your family to be traditional?
I am, my family not so much. I would love it if we all got on and did traditional family things. I however, plan to be one of those American sitcom/movie "moms" who are big into baking cookies, decorating the house for holidays etc hehe!

5. What is one tradition you have passed on to your children and/or plan to pass on to them?
Theatre! Unless they hate it. And jewellery. Maybe my charm bracelet....if I can stop losing the charms!

Attention fellow GG junkies!

Season Six of Gilmore Girls is released here Feb 14th! Yay! I only saw about 2 episodes from this season, so they had better not start Season Seven on TV until I catch up on Six!

If anyone wants a coupon for $10 off from Whitcoulls, let me know!

Oi with the poodles already!