Grrr! I HATE that girl! Please tell me I'm not the only one who's been that girl! But, one thing's for sure, never again. Ever. Vent over.
Oh, and Nat, I love the link from your site to mine!
Mrs G.
Tuesday, 9 January 2007
I am so mad with myself!
Today, I became that girl. Being a true Gilmore Girls junkie, I am of course refering to Season 3, Episode 15, the one where Rory ends up going to the hockey game on a Saturday night.
Grrr! I HATE that girl! Please tell me I'm not the only one who's been that girl! But, one thing's for sure, never again. Ever. Vent over.
Oh, and Nat, I love the link from your site to mine!
Mrs G.
Grrr! I HATE that girl! Please tell me I'm not the only one who's been that girl! But, one thing's for sure, never again. Ever. Vent over.
Oh, and Nat, I love the link from your site to mine!
Mrs G.
Sunday, 7 January 2007
Re: the lesson about sex in the cemetery...
If you are a teen couple and decide it would be fun to have a quickie in the ladies' loos at Rialto, make sure I'm not the DM; I have no shame about busting and embarassing the hell out of you like I did to a couple last night!
Friday, 5 January 2007
Christmas Dinner with the girlies
Nita sent me some pics of our annual Christmas dinner, so time to blog! lol
As usual, was oodles of fun; and even though I can't cook, I do decorate a mean pav!
As usual, was oodles of fun; and even though I can't cook, I do decorate a mean pav!
Being the wild party animals we are, we were up until 2am watching movies: When A Stranger Calls (not classic cinema by any means, but fun to watch) and 11:14, weird, but clever. Anyway, I got kinda tipsy, so that's about all I can remember!
Oh yeah, Penny the Pink Pony (aka final reminder of Conan the bastard) has gone to a new home with Rach - her new name is Tallulah....or something similar.....yeah.
Not bad for no make-up!
And the main lesson to be learnt from the night:
If you're going to have sex in a cemetery, make sure you're on top!
Weather: Blah
Wearing: Bathrobe
Listening to: ABBA
Shoes: 110
Monday, 1 January 2007
Warning: Looooooooooong post:
For my fellow thespians:
Theatre terms:
Eternity - The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop - A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is needed on stage
Director - The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review
Blocking - The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal - A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night
Quality Theater - Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey - Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal - Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week - The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set - An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space
Monologue - That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
Dark Night - The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal
Bit Part - An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.
Green Room - Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot - An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands - Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager - Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea
Lighting Director - Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit - (1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow
The Forebrain - The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain - The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew - Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic
Message Play - Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audience think." Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce - Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director - Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece - Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs
Strike - The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) - People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left - Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
Theatrical Logic
In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in
And of course- Left is right and right is left
A drop shouldn't and a Block and fall does neither
A prop doesn't and A cove has no water
Tripping is OK
A running crew rarely gets anywhere A
purchase line buys you nothing
A trap will not catch anything
A gridiron has nothing to do with football
Strike is work (In fact a lot of work)
And a green room, thank god, usually isn't
Now that you're fully versed in Theatrical terms, Break a leg. But not really.
Q and A:
What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and an amateur dramatic chorus?
A: The tennis final has more men.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
How do you drive an actress crazy?
Hide her hairbrush
Q: How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
A: The center of the universe shifts withevery step they take.
Why don't they give the Chorus coffeebreaks?
It's such a pain to retrain them afterwards.
Q: Why did the actor stare at theorange juice bottle for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why can't many vocalists get through the door?
A: They either can't find the key ordon't know when to come in.
Q:What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A:The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
Just Remember: "It's only Amateur Theater until it offends someone ... then it's ART!"
Q: How do you drown an Actress?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: An Amateur Theatre electrician
You Know You Work in Community Theater if......
your living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do....
you have your own secret family recipe for stage blood....
you've ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes....
you can find a prop in the prop room that hasn't seen the light of day in ten years, but you don't know where your own vacuum cleaner is....
you've ever appeared in or worked on any show written by Van Zandt and Milmore....
you have a Frequent Shopper Card at The Salvation Army....
you start buying your work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes at the mall....
you've ever cleaned a tuxedo with a magic marker....
you've ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue....
you name your son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honor of the French side of the family....
you've ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the running time under four and a half hours....
you've ever appeared on stage in an English drawing room murder mystery where half the cast spoke with southern accents....
your children have ever begged you not to buy them any more Happy Meals....
you think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius....
you've ever appeared in a show where the cast outnumbered the audience....
you've ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for auditions....
the audience recognizes you the minute you walk on stage because they saw you taking out the trash before the show....
you've ever menaced anyone with a gun held together with electrical tape....
you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing a dinner gown and high heels, and you're a guy....
you've ever played the father of someone your father's age....
your kids know your lines better than you do....
your kids DELIVER your lines better than you do....
you get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theater because you forgot your kids....
you've ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through a window without opening it first....
you've ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was REALLY drunk....
you've ever heard a director say, "Try not to bump into the furniture," and mean it....
you've ever appeared on stage with people you're related to....
you've ever heard the head of the set construction crew say, "Just paint it black - no one will ever see it."...
you've ever appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect....
the set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half of the stage because the floor's still wet-five minutes before curtain....
you've ever been told that the reason your director has no eyebrows is because he was in charge of special effects for the last show....
you've ever said, "Don't worry - we'll just hot glue it."
Weather: Dark and cold
Wearing: "Angel by day, Devil by night" pjs
Listening to: Forrest Gump
Shoes: 110
Theatre terms:
Eternity - The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop - A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is needed on stage
Director - The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review
Blocking - The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal - A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night
Quality Theater - Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey - Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal - Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week - The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set - An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space
Monologue - That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
Dark Night - The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal
Bit Part - An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.
Green Room - Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot - An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands - Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager - Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea
Lighting Director - Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit - (1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow
The Forebrain - The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain - The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew - Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic
Message Play - Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audience think." Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce - Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director - Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece - Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs
Strike - The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) - People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left - Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
Theatrical Logic
In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in
And of course- Left is right and right is left
A drop shouldn't and a Block and fall does neither
A prop doesn't and A cove has no water
Tripping is OK
A running crew rarely gets anywhere A
purchase line buys you nothing
A trap will not catch anything
A gridiron has nothing to do with football
Strike is work (In fact a lot of work)
And a green room, thank god, usually isn't
Now that you're fully versed in Theatrical terms, Break a leg. But not really.
Q and A:
What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and an amateur dramatic chorus?
A: The tennis final has more men.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
How do you drive an actress crazy?
Hide her hairbrush
Q: How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
A: The center of the universe shifts withevery step they take.
Why don't they give the Chorus coffeebreaks?
It's such a pain to retrain them afterwards.
Q: Why did the actor stare at theorange juice bottle for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why can't many vocalists get through the door?
A: They either can't find the key ordon't know when to come in.
Q:What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A:The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
Just Remember: "It's only Amateur Theater until it offends someone ... then it's ART!"
Q: How do you drown an Actress?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: An Amateur Theatre electrician
You Know You Work in Community Theater if......
your living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do....
you have your own secret family recipe for stage blood....
you've ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes....
you can find a prop in the prop room that hasn't seen the light of day in ten years, but you don't know where your own vacuum cleaner is....
you've ever appeared in or worked on any show written by Van Zandt and Milmore....
you have a Frequent Shopper Card at The Salvation Army....
you start buying your work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes at the mall....
you've ever cleaned a tuxedo with a magic marker....
you've ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue....
you name your son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honor of the French side of the family....
you've ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the running time under four and a half hours....
you've ever appeared on stage in an English drawing room murder mystery where half the cast spoke with southern accents....
your children have ever begged you not to buy them any more Happy Meals....
you think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius....
you've ever appeared in a show where the cast outnumbered the audience....
you've ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for auditions....
the audience recognizes you the minute you walk on stage because they saw you taking out the trash before the show....
you've ever menaced anyone with a gun held together with electrical tape....
you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing a dinner gown and high heels, and you're a guy....
you've ever played the father of someone your father's age....
your kids know your lines better than you do....
your kids DELIVER your lines better than you do....
you get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theater because you forgot your kids....
you've ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through a window without opening it first....
you've ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was REALLY drunk....
you've ever heard a director say, "Try not to bump into the furniture," and mean it....
you've ever appeared on stage with people you're related to....
you've ever heard the head of the set construction crew say, "Just paint it black - no one will ever see it."...
you've ever appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect....
the set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half of the stage because the floor's still wet-five minutes before curtain....
you've ever been told that the reason your director has no eyebrows is because he was in charge of special effects for the last show....
you've ever said, "Don't worry - we'll just hot glue it."
Weather: Dark and cold
Wearing: "Angel by day, Devil by night" pjs
Listening to: Forrest Gump
Shoes: 110
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